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[譯]逃跑的雙火:六種和雙生靈重聚的方法




逃跑的雙火:六種和雙生靈重聚的方法

by MATEO SOL

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Our Twin Flames, or Twin Souls, are said to be our perfect vibrational matches in this world.

我們和火焰重聚,是為了要經歷靈魂的轉化和滿足個人潛能。

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We unite with our Twin Flames to experience soulful transformation and the fulfillment of our personal potentials in this life.

雙生火焰或雙生靈,被稱為和我們有最完美共震的靈魂。

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However, connecting with our Twin Flames is an intense, overwhelming and sometimes excruciating experience. This is because it riles up old fears, wounds and ego blockages. As a result, every Twin Flame relationship eventually experiences what we refer to as the “runner and chaser” dynamic.

然而,和雙生火焰連結的體驗是緊湊、驚人而困窘的。因為這會把古舊的恐懼、傷痕、封閉的小我弄得煩躁不安。結果,每對雙生火焰終體驗被我們稱為「逃逸追逐」牽引 (“runner and chaser” dynamic)。

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This period of life is both complex and extremely distressing for both partners who, deep down, simply desire Union.

這段時期,對只想要一起的雙方而言,都是複雜而極度焦愁的。

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What is the Twin Flame Runner and Chaser Dynamic?

「逃逸追逐牽引」是什麼?

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When we think about the Twin Flame relationship in terms of stages, the Runner and Chaser dynamic represents stage six. It is preceded by a level of immense inner turmoil as personality differences, egos and old core wounds flare up. Eventually, as tensions rise to an explosive level, the only “way out” is to try and escape from the relationship in some shape or form. This process of distancing or “running” can be either physical or psychological, or both.

雙生火焰關係的各個階段中,逃逸追逐牽引是第六階段。此前已經歷過巨大的內在動盪,例如小我和老舊的傷痕被挑起。最終,因為拉鋸戰要崩盤了,而唯一的「出路」,就是嘗試以某種形式從關係中逃走。這個疏離和「逃跑」的過程,可以是身體或心理的,或者兩者兼而有之。

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Often running away from the intense love within a Twin Flame relationship involves returning back to an ex-partner, traveling, silent treatments, constant arguments, workaholism or simply leaving for no clear reason.

在雙生火焰的高強度戀愛中來回逃走的人,可能會以回到前度身邊、旅行、拒絕溝通、經常爭吵、嗜酒為表現,或純粹無緣無故離開。

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In this stage, the Runner often represents the more wounded “younger” soul, and the Chaser often represents the more mature “older” soul. In other words, while one partner is open to the purifying fires of love, the other finds the dissolution of their boundaries intimidating and too much to handle.

在此階段,逃跑者是受傷的幼靈魂,而追逐者是更成熟的老靈魂。換而言之,當其中一半啟動愛的淨化之火,另一方則感覺難以處理這消融的邊界。

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When Luna and I got together, we too experienced the twin flame runner and chaser stage. For us, this was a tormenting time because we felt so much love for each other, yet we could barely sit peacefully in the same room together. Almost every day we would argue and clash, sometimes even into the early hours of the morning. While Luna played the role of the (emotional) Runner, I played the role of the Chaser.

我和Luna一起的時候,我們也經歷過逃逸追逐的階段。對我們而言,這是一個痛苦的時刻。我們感受到雙方深刻的愛,但卻沒辦法在同一間房和平相坐。幾乎每天都在吵架和衝突,有時甚至到凌晨。當Luna扮演情感的逃逸者時,我則扮演者追逐者的角色。

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For us, this stage carried on for about 6 intense months, and then more mildly for another 1-3 years. However, the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage can vary greatly from couple to couple.

對我們來說,這一階段持續了大約6個高強度的月份,然後和緩地持續了1-3年。然而,不同火焰伴侶之間,雙生火焰的逃逸追逐期可能差異很大。

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6 Ways to Reunite With Your Twin Flame

六種和雙生火焰團聚的方法

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If you are in the Twin Flame runner and chaser stage, you might be feeling extremely vulnerable, angry, overwhelmed and confused at the moment.

如果你在逃逸追逐的階段裡,此時可能會覺得極度脆弱、氣憤、被壓倒和迷惑。

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I want to share with you six tips that have helped us to personally get through this stage. You can read more about the runner and chaser stage in our Twin Flame book:

我想和你分享六個曾幫助過我們親自完成這一階段的貼士。(You can read more about the runner and chaser stage in our Twin Flame book:)

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1. Is your twin flame really trying to hurt you?

1. 你的火焰真的想傷害你嗎?

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Firstly, it’s important that you ensure that you’re not actually in a co-dependent or emotionally abusive relationship. Unfortunately for some couples, this could be a very real possibility. Don’t confuse arguments, differences in character and insecurity for the more sinister forms of manipulation, control, and abuse. If you think this may be a problem for you, read through the three types of emotional abuse.

首先,很重要的是,你要確定自己並非在一段過度依賴或情感虐待的關係中。不幸的是,對某些情侶來說,這真的有可能。不要把你們之間的差異、爭吵和不安、混淆了更加壞的操縱、控制和虐待。如果你在這裡有疑難:請閱讀三種情感虐待的類型(emotional abuse).

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If you are in a Twin Flame relationship, it will be clear that your partner doesn’t intend to cause you harm. The harm they cause you is unintentional and is a product of their own unresolved pain. However, if you’re in an abusive relationship, it will be clear that the harm your partner causes you is intentional. 

若你身處雙生火焰的關係,很明顯你的伴侶無意傷害你。他們對你的傷害,是由於自己無法處理痛苦而無意產生的。然而,如果你處於一段虐待關係中,很明顯這傷害是有意的。

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2. Think about what it is that triggers you in your partner’s behavior.

2.思考是什麼誘發了你們的行為。

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A trigger can be anything from a certain look, a tone of voice, a phrase, an action, or anything that “triggers” an emotional response within you. Once you have discovered what it is that triggers you (e.g. when your partner starts becoming opinionated), you may like to ask, “Why does that bother me so much?” Try to go deeper than answers like, “He thinks he knows everything,” or “She isn’t listening to what I’m saying.” Find the emotion that is attached to the trigger – for instance, annoyance, bitterness or resentment – and keep digging deeper. It is likely that you will uncover many harmful ideals, beliefs and personal issues beneath your layers of emotion.

誘發因子可以是任何東西,從外觀、語氣、片語或行動,以至於任何能夠觸發你內在情感機制的東西。一旦你發現是什麼誘發了自己(例如當你的伴侶變得自以為是)。你可能會問:為什麼這會困擾我?嘗試回答一些比「他認為他知道所有」或「她沒在聽我說什麼」更深入的答案。找到當中和這個誘發因子相關的情緒因素,例如惱人、苦澀和憤怒,然後一直挖深。你很可能會在情緒層面下,發現很多有害的想法、信念和個人課題。

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Here is an example: You get offended and aloof every time your partner interrupts you. You then ask, “Why is that?” You get upset because he isn’t respecting what you’re saying. “Why is that a problem?” That’s a problem because it feels like he doesn’t love you. “Why is that an issue?” You feel alone and abandoned. Here we can see that the true issue is the underlying fear of being alone and unappreciated.

這裡舉一例:當另一半打攪你時,你感到被冒犯和事不關己。然後你問:「那是什麼?」你因為他不尊重你的話語,而你感到沮喪。「這為什麼是個問題呢?」因為他好像不愛你,所以你覺得如此。「為什麼會有課題呢?」因為你感到孤獨和被拋棄。由是,我們可以了解到,潛在對孤獨和不被欣賞的恐懼,才是真正的主題。

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3. Learn to openly communicate with your twin flame.

3.學習開放地和你的火焰溝通

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Open communication rarely comes naturally. Instead, it is something that the majority of us have to learn and master throughout our lives. When we fail to communicate openly we hide our emotions, keep our thoughts and perspectives to ourselves, and don’t speak up when something bothers us. If something bothers you about your partner’s behavior it is much better to openly and gently talk with them about it rather than hide it away and let it fester. Open communication is something the two of you should openly discuss and agree to work on. For an excellent open communication guide, we recommend reading “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life” by Marshall Rosenberg.

開放溝通很少自然而然地發生。反之,這是大部分人一生中需要學習和掌握的。當我們無法開放地表達、隱藏情緒、只對自己保有觀點以及視角的話,我們在被煩擾時也無法發聲。如果你對伴侶的行為感到煩厭,不如開放與溫和地和他們討論這件事,而不是藏起來任由其腐爛。開誠佈公是你們兩個需要開放討論並同意繼續努力的。關於出色的開放溝通指南,我們建議閱讀這本Marshall Rosenberg所撰寫的《非暴力溝通:愛的語言》一書。

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4. Learn how to empathize with your twin flame’s perspective.

4. 學習從雙生火焰的角度同理

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This can be extremely hard to do, especially when you’re caught up in your own perceptions and feelings, but it is worth learning. Why? Developing this skill will help you to develop empathy, and this will help your relationship to mature immensely. We recommend starting with the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness can be practiced through a traditional meditation practice, by learning to live in the moment, by spending time alone in reflection, by mindful breathing, and many other methods. The more proficient you become at learning how to observe instead of react to your emotions, the easier it will be for you to empathize with your Twin Flame. Remember that your partner grew up in a different context and therefore possesses different life experiences, different genetics and a different personality. Remember that what they think, feel and believe is true for them but not necessarily true for you, and respect that.

這是很難的,尤其你被自己的觀點和感覺困住時,但這值得學習。為什麼?發展這技能讓你培養同理心,並且讓你的關係豁然成熟起來。我們建議從正念練習開始。正念可以透過傳統的冥想來練習,透過學習活在當下、花時間獨自反思、正念呼吸⋯⋯還有許多其他的方法。你越能精於觀察、而不是被情緒牽走,你就越容易對火焰同理。記得,你和你的另一半在不同的環境中成長,因此有不同的生命歷程、遺傳基因和個性。他們的思想、感覺和信念對他們而言是真實的,但卻不必然對你真實,請加以尊重。

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5. Ask, “What am I being taught?”

5.問「我被教導著什麼?」

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Whenever you both get into a squabble or experience tension, ask yourself, “What is it that my Twin Flame is trying to teach me through their words or actions right now?” Perhaps you need to develop more patience, understanding or forgiveness. In the end, our twin flames are like vessels through which the harshest, but most valuable lessons of life are transmitted. Only when you open yourself to learning these lessons can you grow as a person.

無論何時,當你們吵架或拉鋸時,問自己:「現在,我的雙生火焰嘗試用他們的言行教會我什麼呢?」也許你需要發展更多的耐心、理解和寬恕。最終,我們的雙生火焰像是導航,帶我們走過那些最艱難但最寶貴的生命課題。只有當你願意學習這些課程時,才能成長為成熟的人。

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6. Forgive each other

6. 互相寬恕

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Realize that each of you carry your own different types of pain. Every argument and every rash and hurtful decision is a product of unresolved pain. When you both learn to understand this, you can both forgive each other and allow the love you feel to cleanse all wounds.

意識到你們攜帶著不同的痛。每個爭吵、魯莽和傷人的決定都從未被解決的痛苦而來。當你們了解到這一點時,你們就可以原諒對方,並且讓愛來融化所有的傷口。

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Twin flames expose the shadow qualities and core wounds within us, helping them to be brought to the light. While this period of your relationship might feel eternal, its purpose is to help you heal, open and learn how to embody unconditionally love.

雙生火焰暴露我們內在的陰影和核心傷痕,好讓光可以進來照料它們。雖然感情中的這段時期看起來無窮盡,但其目的是幫助你們療癒、開放並學習如何展現無條件的愛。

 

【原作者介紹@LonerWolf】

Walk the path less travelled

走向那讓你飛越的路途

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Our names are Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol and we currently live in Perth, Western Australia.

我們的名字是Aletheia Luna和Mateo Sol,現居Perth (Western Australia)。

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Our mission is to help others embrace the path of the lone wolf and listen to the soul’s calling. Our goal is to provide a grounded and balanced perspective of spirituality that doesn’t bypass the raw, real, and messy aspects of spiritual growth or psychological development.

幫助他人擁抱孤獨的旅程,傾聽靈魂的召喚是我們的使命。我們不繞過最粗糙、真實又混亂的面向——那靈性和心理成長必經之路,讓靈性更「接地氣」以及中立。

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We are deeply drawn to exploring and exposing both the light and shadow side of human nature and spirituality. We strive towards integration, balance, wholeness, and embracing both the sacred and wild aspects of being human. Read more.

我們深入探索和揭露人性的光輝和陰影。我們駛向整合、平和、「一」的道路,擁抱人類最神聖和野性的面向。閱讀更多

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